Yup join the army. Not just any old army, but the US Army. Why the US Army? Because the US Army doesn’t get involved in any of that messy stuff like fighting. Honest. Look at their website— the latest poster girl for the Army specializes in (oh the Irony!) Broadcast Journalism. Yup join the US Army and work for the Pentagon News Network™ — it’s just like working for CNN except more people shoot at you and the pay’s worse. But remember — with new War on Terror™ you’re set for life.

Be careful — other armies offering you the world may actually get involved in fighting, so make sure: ask it by name: The US Army. The sweetest smelling Army in the world.

An Army of One-Point-Six-a-day.