Imagine a country where 42% of the electorate were deemed unable to vote because the area they live in is too lawless and violent.

Imagine a country which has to seal off its borders for the duration of its election for fear of insurgency.

Imagine an election devised by a invading foreign force, which has 160,000 troops stationed on this country’s soil.

Imagine an election where the incumbent Prime Minister is a foreign citizen, and an employee of a foreign government’s military intelligence, who got the post of PM in a military coup and is an alledged murderer. Imagine he is running for office again.

Imagine a country where the largest minority group, comprising 20% of the population is predicted to not participate in the election.

Imagine an election where three days before the election only 12.5 million voters had registered, yet on the day of the election the registered voters had increased by 2.9 million.

Imagine a country where security is so bad that even though the polling station locations are secret until the day before, they are still attacked before their locations are revealed to the electorate.

Imagine a country where all cars are banned from the roads on election day.

Imagine a country where the government and its 160,000 occupying troops are so powerless that nine polling stations in the capital are bombed, including 2 car bombs despite the ban on vehicles, and government offices and other polling stations are mortared on election day.

Welcome to Iraq — the US government’s successful model for democracy in the Middle East.

So now the cat is out of the bag about Iran, it is if we all living in 2002 again with the word Iraq, changed by one letter on the lips of many media commentators.

On a brief sojourn to Seoul last week, the little red email flicked on the box and happened across MSNBC where one of those irritating news chat shows was on. You know the type where there are three Nazis (including the ‘impartial’ host) and a token, whimpering ‘liberal’. The topic: Iran. For WMD, read nuclear capability, though this falsehood is almost as erroneous as the former. Iran is at least five years from creating nuclear power. The Nazis on the show though pumped fear into the viewers’ brains, dismissing the fact that WMD was a load of tosh as ‘irrelevant’.

“The Mullahs must be taken down before it is too late” was their general line. Flipping across the so called news channels, this view is now widely being aired as Operation Keep Mohammed Down moves from Baghdad to Tehran This time round the Brits won’t be the poodles, the Israelis are clearly the ones lined up as the rottweilers or articulators of the lies that will open up the next front on the War on Terror™ (TWOT™). Speaking in London last week, Israel defence minister, Lieutenant General Shaul Mofaz, trying to whip up support for the war, laid the lies on thick.

“None of the western countries can live with Iran having a nuclear capability,” he warned reporters, adding, “Iran is very close to the point of no return, which mean the enrichment of uranium, and we believe that the leadership of the US, together with the European countries, should stop as soon as possible this military nuclear programme in Iran.” He claimed that Iran was just 12 months away from “the point of no return” — a complete fabrication.

We would not be surprised if Mossad attempt some form of terrorism on an unsuspecting country such as France shortly and label it an Iranian outrage in order to build up support for the war, like Putin did in bombing apartment blocks in Moscow to attack Chechnya.

It is Groundhog Day, and the ‘evil’ face of Saddam has been replaced by an Ayatollah. The war drums are beating insanely.

Cheney did little to dampen this by telling MSNBC: “You look around the world at potential trouble spots, (and) Iran is right at the top of the list,” the vice president intoned, noting that Washington’s chief concern with Teheran had less to do with democracy or even terrorism but rather with its “fairly robust new nuclear programme.

Last week we brought you the real truth behind those scenes of Orange revolution in Ukraine, another fait accompli of the US via the dark machinations of the spuriously entitled National Endowment for Democracy. Well, since we had such a strong response to this particular story, here is all you need to know about NED, an organisation that acts beyond the control of the US legislature yet wreaks havoc on so many other sovereign nations’ democracies.

Founded in 1983 by the Reagan administration to allegedly “support democratic institutions throughout the world through private, nongovernmental efforts”, NED came about as an alternative to the CIA who traditionally engineered regime changes, but at the time were facing continued stinging criticism for its illegal actions in the 1970s. The “nongovernmental” claim in NED’s manifesto is misleading since almost all its funds come from the US Congress.

As one of NED’s founders, Allen Weinstein, let slip in 1991, NED really is just a continuation/extension of the CIA. “A lot of what we do today was done covertly 25 years ago by the CIA,” he said.

NED moves to make materialism more relevant to people in other countries — masked in words such as economic globalisation, all aimed at cancelling out left wing regimes.

NED offloads its cash to four main recipients: the International Republican Institute; the National Democratic Institute for International Affairs; an affiliate of the AFL-CIO (such as the American Center fir International Labor Solidarity); and an affiliate of the Chamber of Commerce (such as the Center for International Private Enterprise). These institutions then disburse money to other organisations.

From 1994 to 1996, NED awarded 15 grants, totalling more than $2,500,000, to the American Institute for Free Labor Development, an organisation used by the CIA for decades to subvert progressive labour unions. Militant pro-worker unions have been slapped down in France, Portugal and Spain thanks to the funds of NED.

The roll call of election/regime changes NED has successfully influenced is stunning: Nicaragua in 1990, Bulgaria the same year, Albania in 1991, Mongolia in 1996, Yugoslavia in 2000, Georgia in 2003, Haiti the same year and of course Ukraine at the end of last year. In each case it subverts the sovereign democratic process by its illicit use of funnelling cash to key areas such as media, labour organisations, political organisations and student groups. On top of this are the countries where it has been less successful but no less forceful. These countries include most of the western hemisphere, especially Venezuela under Chavez, Cuba, El Salvador as well as the Philippines and Slovakia.

NED was heavily involved in the Iran Contra scandal of the 1980s and Oliver North’s dodgy “Project Democracy”.

As US representative Ron Paul has observed: “It is particularly Orwellian to call US manipulation of foreign elections ‘promoting democracy’. How would Americans feel if the Chinese arrived with millions of dollars to support certain candidates deemed friendly in China ? Would this be viewed as democratic development?”

Barbara Conry, in an excellent study of NED, notes: NED’s detractors point to the inherent contradiction of a publicly funded organisation that is charged with executing foreign policy (a power expressly given to the federal government in the Constitution) yet exempt from nearly all political and administrative control.” Ms Conry warns of “the pitfalls of decentralised ‘loose cannon’ foreign policy efforts”.

So the next time the media picks up tales of sudden democratic change in far flung countries watch out for the covert hand of NED.

Just like doctors being paid by the big pharmaceuticals to plug and prescribe drugs, it emerges this week that the oil majors are paying scientists to water down reports on climate change and thus temper calls for gas emissions to be cut. And this bombshell comes at a time when reports suggest that global warming might be happening twice as fast as we have thus far recorded.

British environmental reports are especially being targeted since the UK has intimated that it will make climate change a key focus of its forthcoming G8 presidency, The British government’s scientific adviser, David King, is also a very vocal on climate change, furthering the oil majors’ desire to try and hush up the real disaster awaiting us. For a smattering of what Mr King has warned of late click here and here.

Professor Bob May, president of the Royal Society, writing in the Guardian last Thursday, described the strength of the denial lobby which includes the Scientific Alliance, with links to Exxon Mobil, and the Global Climate Coalition who both regularly play down the impact of climate change and receive tens of thousands of petrodollars for their troubles.

What’s just as alarming is the way that these views are increasingly carried by Britain’s right wing newspapers. This type of denial in the face of such overwhelming contrary evidence is sheer lunacy, particularly when one takes a glance at the latest issue of Nature, which carries a report from leading researchers from Britain’s top universities who have used advanced computer modelling to show that global warming is actually twice as bad as we think. Globally, average temperatures could rise by 11°C by the end of the century and CO2 concentration in the atmosphere is likely to increase by 60%. Such temperature rises would lead to an end of the ice caps and glaciers everywhere, meaning the sea would rise by 20ft. 11°C is a huge rise — a 2°C rise alone would lead to irreversible changes in the climate. And for those in denial (and oil cash), how can they explain this final fact: each of the hottest 15 years on record have been since 1980.

For one reason or another, the little red email’s main writer, in his day job, is involved in some very fluffy awards ceremony that slaps the backs of businessmen in Asia for a price. Which is why we are delighted to hear of a proper ceremony that has set out to slap in the face the worst of the corporates. Kicking off its inaugural ceremony at the start of last week’s schmooze fest that was Davos, the Public Eye Awards, organised by the Berne Declaration and Pro Natura, highlighted a veritable who’s who of multinational nastiness.

Non-governmental organisations (NGOs) from all over the world had nominated more than 20 transnational companies. The complete submission papers may be viewed online. From this selection of 20, four laureates were selected. These gongs were awarded to those who have, in the words of the organisers, “excelled in socially and environmentally irresponsible behaviour. They reveal the negative impacts of economic globalisation.”

The Public Eye Award in the human rights category went to the US corporate the Dow Chemical company which continues to refuse to assume accountability for the consequences of the world’s largest chemical disaster in Bhopal, India, which has caused more than 20,000 casualties since 1984.

The winner in the environment category was the Royal Dutch/Shell Group. Even though the corporate group promised to stop gas flaring in Nigeria, it is not willing to keep its commitment and continues flaring despite the adverse impacts on local communities and the environment. In addition, the company has not cleaned up properly any of the numerous oil spills it caused in the Niger delta since 1956.

The laureate of the labour law category is none other than US retailing giant Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. The working conditions in Wal-Mart’s clothes supply factories in Africa and Asia are intolerable, ranging from excessive compulsory overtime to wages below the subsistence level. And the company refuses to allow their own workers to join unions.

In the taxes category the winner was KPMG International. The accountancy and consulting corporate group, headquartered in Amsterdam, has been developing tax saving models and is encouraging its clients to engage in aggressive tax avoidance.

Many people from all over the world voted on the Public Eye website for the most blatant case of corporate irresponsibility. The clear winner and thus laureate of the Public’s Award is Nestlé. The Swiss food and beverages company was criticised for labour conflicts in Colombia and for its aggressive marketing methods for baby food, which jeopardize breastfeeding.

In her opening speech, the British economist Noreena Hertz said: “Workers and communities everywhere must be able to safeguard basic rights to minimum health and safety standards at work, to minimum wages, and not be dispossessed without adequate compensation. Multinational corporations must not be allowed to infringe these rights, wherever it is that they operate.” Therefore, she argued that legislative reforms are needed as to ensure that parent companies can be held responsible for the actions of their subsidiaries.

Unsurprisingly, none of the winners were on hand to pick up their prizes — perhaps disproving the old adage that any publicity is good publicity.

A hotchpotch of stuff we’ve found and enjoyed recently on the Weird Wide Web.

Get your lovely T-shirts while they’re hot!
Everybody loves a winner. Nobody likes a loser. Nobody likes to be a loser. So with this in mind, Canned Revolution have set it up so that you can now buy your own Canned Revolution T-Shirt, and pretend that you won it in our competition. We’ll back up any claims to being a lucky winner by anyone who purchases a freshly tinned t-shirt to help the cause.

Owning your own Canned Revolution shirt could be a great way of life for you — imagine the friends, the opportunities, the fame, the copious offers of gratuitous sex.

Don’t delay! Buy your way into coolness today by clicking here.

 

If you fancy your luck, on the other hand...
You could try our latest competition! Yes, that’s right: another chance to be cool for free. Head on over to here to try your luck in our latest revolutionary contest.

 

Vote or else
Steve Bell casts his ever-jaundiced eye over the Iraqi election.

 

This looks kosher... Not!
Perhaps the best thing about this new pyramid scheme product is the “THINK THC” motto emblazoned on the sticker. Now that’s some serious cojones. The motto also seems to have escaped both scientific and media attention, although to be fair they’re busy focussing on how the thing doesn’t actually work rather than the obvious marijuana plug. Plant your seeds, people, plant your seeds.

 

Religious Issue I
This week the little red email has a bit of a religious theme to it. We’ll kick off with introducing you to the Perry Bible Fellowship, a wonderful set of evangelical tracts for your entertainment and edification.

 

Man of Steel
We have always loved the satirical socialist and Independent columnist Mark Steel. His thoughts on the Iraqi elections are especially brilliant.

“The elections only make sense in the context of the whole war, having been set up by the Americans as part of their process of controlling the region. It’s as if a pack of burglars came into your house, robbed you, then set up an election so you could vote for which member of the family filled out the form for the insurance,” he muses.

That’s what we like about Mr Steel — his ability to put in funny, yet hard hitting similes to today’s stories. Try this one for size, also on the Iraqi elections. “In the last poll, over 80 per cent of the country stated they wanted the Americans to leave, whereas the Americans have announced plans for up to 14 permanent military bases. Imagine if the British had said to George Washington in 1776, ‘OK, we agree to let you choose your own government. But it’s for the best if we organise the whole thing, and to make sure you’re able to be completely independent, we’ll bring 14 regiments and keep them here forever.’” Wonderful!!

 

D’ye ken John Birch?
We at the revolution have heard of the John Birch Society for years, through odd conspiracy books and the like, but it was only recently that we visited their web site, and gained access to all that wholesome Birchy oddness online. We suggest you should do the same, but only if you feel ready to enter a mindspace even more paranoid and quirky than the one you’re reading now. Perhaps worryingly, we find that some of what they say makes sense to us: for example this article. Not long now’til we start wearing the tin-foil hats! For those who want to know: John Birch was a missionary and US military intelligence officer who was killed by supporters of the Chinese Communists in August 1945 after he refused to disarm.

 

Chavs ‘r’ Us
Whilst out in Europe the little red email was constantly bombarded by the term “chav”. Seeking clarity as always, we turned to the internet for elucidation. We came up with the excellent chavscum.co.uk. Enjoy.

 

Religious Issue II
The little red email has no idea where to start on the Presidential Prayer Team. At first we suspected it was like the wondefully firey Landover Baptist church, but this is altogether stranger fruit.

This is an independent, non-profit organization and was initially supported by a private foundation. The President encourages prayer, however specific endorsement has not been sought because this is a long term effort that will extend beyond this presidency. It holds no affiliation with any political or religious organizations, nor will it ever be used for political purposes.

The Presidential Prayer Team is a national effort to encourage all Americans to pray daily for the President. Team members who sign up will receive regular updates and a window decal to serve as a continuous reminder to uphold the President in prayer.

So presumably it doesn’t matter what the president does, or what he believes, they’ll still pray for him? That sounds like the sort of statement that Ladbrokes would give you low odds on.

 

Business human rights
www.business-humanrights.org has been launched at Davos. Mary Robinson, launching the non-profit Business & Human Rights Resource Centre, said: “No debate can move forward, and no positive change can be made, without facts. This website is an essential tool for consumers and investors, companies and campaigners. It helps them make decisions that make a difference.” Robinson chairs the Resource Centre’s Advisory Network; she is former United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights & President of Ireland.

The website brings abuses to international attention: from discrimination to pesticide poisoning; child labour to drinking water contamination; sexual abuse to the displacement of indigenous peoples.

It also highlights positive steps certain companies are taking, such as promoting diversity, increasing access to HIV/AIDS drugs, reducing harmful emissions, improving working conditions in their supply chain.

Recent issues covered include:

• Iraq : Allegations that security firms were involved in torture at Abu Ghraib prison

• Tsunami relief by companies (special section accessible from homepage)

• Beijing Olympics 2008: Calls for corporate sponsors to raise labour abuse concerns with Chinese Government.

The site is free and updated hourly. It links to reports in English, Spanish and French.

 

Ooooh, that was a treat for the fingers!
For those of you who haven’t kept tabs on developments at www.fat-pie.com, Salad Fingers has gone to episode 5: the picnic. Call us traditionalists, but we still like it best when the red water comes out. There is also a new non-salad tale of love and the pursuit of happiness in Video Dating Tape. For the german-speaking crowd who love Salad Fingers, the site also links you up to a German parody: wurst-fingers.

 

The Little Red Email Osama bin Laden Sweepstakes Shirt Contest!
Well we had been for sometime advocating that Osama bin Laden would be paraded in front of the US public for a little publicity boost. Time ran out for the little red email, but not for you. We guessed October 23rd for a pre-election Osama... and we feel a mite foolish, although Osama did show up on video. If you fancy a free Canned Revolution t-shirt, why not sign up. There is of course much speculation that Osama was caught ages ago and now is stewing in jail awaiting his upcoming moment in front of the cameras. Now, by simply guessing the date of Osama’s media debut as a US prisoner you can win a t-shirt. Send your expected date of bin Laden’s first television appearance as an American prisoner to osamasweepstakes@cannedrevolution.com. May you be luckier than us.