This week: • Iraqis • WMDs • Afghans • Bliar • Saddam • The Revolution •

 

The US has lost control of Iraq, and with that it seems to us that it has really lost the war — although it will no doubt drag on for a while yet. Attention has now turned to winning the battle for hearts and minds, a sure sign the war is lost. The prospect of "another Vietnam’ is bandied about everywhere with the number of deaths since the president declared victory onboard a stage managed aircraft carrier surpassing 547.

The jungle has been traded in for desert — as befits an administration that has backed out of the Kyoto agreement — and the battle for Iraqi cities seems to have brought disturbing reminders of the Tet Offensive to the surface of many Americans" consciousness: this is Bush’s reenactment of Vietnam.

Some time in the not too distant future the central character in ageing Francis Ford Coppola’s Iraq war epic will utter the ever-so-familiar line: "Baghdad. Shiiiit, I’m still only in Baghdad." Jim Morrison warned us all that no one gets out of here alive — and that’s as may be — but as far as Iraq goes, it’s clear that no one’s getting out of here in a hurry.

What exactly were the combat-craving — and as some point out, craven — right-wingers behind the Bush administration expecting when they decided as far as back as 1997 to invade Iraq? The country is slightly larger than California, yet the US seems neither to know nor to care about the make up of this divided nation. How long did they think this long-repressed nation was going to put up with the Israeli-based tactics, treatment and, frankly speaking, racism meted out by the American military? A British officer in an interview with Britain’s Daily Telegraph noted how the American military dismissed Iraqis as "Untermenschen’.

Never mind the ’Nam, turn the clock back further — now we’re talking World Wars here all of a sudden.

"My view and the view of the British chain of command is that the Americans" use of violence is not proportionate and is over-responsive to the threat they are facing," said the British officer. "They don’t see the Iraqi people the way we see them. They view them as Untermenschen. They are not concerned about the Iraqi loss of life in the way the British are."

"It is trite, but American troops do shoot first and ask questions later. The US will have to abandon the sledgehammer-to-crack-a-nut approach — it has failed. They need to stop viewing every Iraqi, every Arab as the enemy and attempt to win the hearts and minds of the people."

One mustn’t underestimate the British. They know how to treat Iraqis properly: they’ve had experience — that most famous British statesman, Winston Churchill himself in the 1920s recommended this method of treating the Iraqis: "I do not understand this sqeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilised tribes." Plus ça change...

As Iraq has leapt out of the US’s control in the past fortnight, the mass media has been doing its upmost to keep a brave face on the "coalition" charade.

The BBC was if not mute, then at least prone to mumbling over the latest fiasco — with barely a mention of Kut or Najaf, the first two of what may be many cities to have been wrested from US occupation by "insurgents". Hours after the fall of Kut, the BBC website had still made no mention of this military setback and was leading with Condi Rice’s amateur dramatics in front of Congress, then later the BBC turned to the Japanese hostages. Evidently the "coalition" having lost three Japanese nationals was much more important than the "coalition" having lost two whole cities. Who cares about them, they’re just Iraqis, eh? A telling attitude that appears to pervade the "coalition’s" dealings with the people them are supposedly liberating.

So if one was prepared to rummage through the BBC website with perseverance, luck and a dash of cunning one might be able to unearth news of the uprising, buried in a vague "US battles insurgents’ story. The only mention of Kut was a rather retro-feel tombstone mention: "US forces have re-taken the Shia city of Kut, two days after it was abandoned by Ukrainian troops." This nugget too was buried in the innocuous-sounding "Battles grip Iraq on anniversary". Najaf never happened — it’s not even on the "Violence in Iraq map" — itself a lovely understated way of saying "every city in Iraq is in flames and people are shooting at the ’coalition’ all over the country". All told the mumbling was a very "on message" performance from the BBC, looking for all the world like a guilty spaniel cowering from Tony’s rolled up copy of the Hutton report. Good doggie.

These days possibly the most honest reporting on this scarred part of the globe comes from Middle East outlets. An ironic twist, given the US threats to pull Aljazeera and Al Arabiya for "inciting violence". In this twisted comedy of errors — this twist has its own ironic twist: it was Iraqi viceroy L. Paul Bremer III shutting down Muqtada al Sadr’s weekly newspaper (mostly for the sin of comparing Bremer to Saddam) that incited the current violence, sparking off the Shia uprising.

Arabic papers have seen more than their normal pouring of outrage at US actions in the region lately. "Fierce Falluja fighting recalls Vietnam", announced Aljazeera last week, over images of jubilant resistance fighters framed by plumes of black smoke. "No To Occupation", proclaimed Egypt’s Al-Ahram, beneath a picture of Shi’ite demonstrators. "Blood Raining on Iraqi Nation", read a front-page headline in the Tehran Times.

’It seems that occupation massacres are the extension of the former regime’s ones," wrote columnist Abdulwahab Badrakhan of Al-Hayat, the largest-circulation newspaper in the Arab world.

It’s getting harder to blame the Arab nations for exulting over US defeats when Bush & Co have been so crass in their War on Terror™ jargon. The latest shocker is the deadly strategy to "stabilise" Iraq — Operation Resolute Sword. Yet another coined phrase that brings images of Dubya smoting Muslims with his Christian, oil-soaked sword. The Pentagon and the White House sure know how to choose their words for this whole War on Terror™ product. Operation Infinite Justice or "the crusade against terror" spring to mind. The whole modern day crusade perception was given tragic realism in the form of a 500 pound, laser-guided bomb that killed 40 people in a Falluja mosque last week.

Another generation of gleaming savage knights from the West have come to "liberate and civilise" the pagan Middle East nearly a millennium after their crusading forebears. Need, creed and greed: the three reasons behind any war. Rebranded, repackaged and sold wholesale to the Fox News sheep. New, Improved, Low-fibre, Low-fat, Crusade Lite in strawberry and vanilla flavours. High in calcium and brighter than bright: the Pentagon presents, in association with Halliburton — The War On Terror™.

In a US army briefing by the commander charged with "restoring peace" in Iraq, Lieutenant General Ricardo Sanchez, (Dark Comedy Division, Irony Force) started out with the deliciously ironic: "We cannot tolerate acts of violence directed against the Iraqi people and its fundamental governing, religious and security structures. There is no place within the democratic system of Iraq for a renegade militia that chooses to intimidate and terrorize the people while seeking to control the basic institutions of the country with a violent power play." Irony over, the Lieutenant General then cranked up the John Wayne macho rhetoric, saying the "coalition and Iraqi security forces will continue to attack to destroy this disruptive force and to kill or capture its membership and its leadership’.

In a wickedly humourous non sequitur, he added: "We will maintain stability in Iraq and continue the forward progress to democracy and to sovereignty." A remark which prompted our resident cynic at Canned Revolution to wonder aloud: "Remind me again: Just how did Iraq manage to lose its sovereignty?"

Lieutenant General Sanchez furthered his contributions to the increasingly Orwellian comedy saying: "We will not let a small group of criminals and thugs control the destiny of this country." A tad hypocritical given the US’s appointment to the Governing Council of its favourite Iraqi "leader’, Ahmed Chalabi who, on top of being the darling of the neo-cons, is a convicted embezzler.

If Invasion Iraq were a novel, the critics would pan it for its lack of credibility and outlandish plot. We can’t wait for the next exciting installment penned by our favourite sci-fi writer, religious cultist, and Viceroy of Iraq, L. Paul "Don’t call me Saddam" Bremer III.

 

 

Journalists and TV cameras flock to the explosions, kidnappings and carnage tearing through one side of Iraq, while no one else is looking at the other end of the nation where the US is slipping in some WMDs on the sly. A far fetched explanation for the appalling loss of life witnessed in the last 10 days in Iraq, principally in the city of Falluja? Mehr News Agency from Iran, for one, is convinced that the bloodletting seen recently has been an elaborate smokescreen to give Bush some pre-election credibility.

The MNA reports weapons have been smuggled in containers disguised as those of Danish shipping company, Maersk Sealand, often stamped as relief shipments. The agency reports seeing many fake licensed Saudia Arabian and Jordanian trucks coming across the border last week in an area sealed off by US authorities.

So the US electorate should expect prior to November not only a fanfare parade of Osama but also a mysterious appearance of weapons of mass destruction. Far fetched, but anything’s possible with this law-defying Bush administration.

 

 

Wary of the November elections, the Bush administration is looking to work out an exit strategy, as there is mounting evidence to suggest that the US Army will be stuck in the quagmire that is Afghanistan for many years to come. The Afghan city of Maymana which fell to the forces of General Dostam, a particularly mercenary, unpleasant warlord are like a Mardi Gras compared to what’s lined up, ready to kick the US troops, on Afghanistan’s eastern borders.

One of the world’s poorest countries, racked by war since the late 1970s, was the destination for the US’ first outing of its War on Terror™, following 9/11. Operation Enduring Freedom* is another cringe-worthy Pentagon term for wholesale slaughter mayhem and chaos thinly disguised as democracy.

While much of the public clearly see the deceit that went on before, during and after the war on Iraq, the same introspection has not turned to the motives behind Afghanistan, perhaps because of the blindness engendered.

Getting rid of the Taliban was a good thing, but that was not the real reason and plenty of areas of the impoverished country have seen human rights violations increase since warlords started carving up people and the nation. Unable to reach a quick international consensus for war on Iraq, the stated goal from day one of the administration, Bush used Afghanistan as a stepping stone for a future Iraqi conflict.

Americans have gradually forgotten about this theatre, but the reality is that US forces are basically pinned down, unable, for fear of huge losses, to move beyond the capital Kabul, or the airbase Bagram.

This uncharted country with huge swathes of mountainous, warlord-controlled areas is a far harder task to subdue than Iraq — hence the minimal numbers of American soldiers deployed there, approximately 15,000.

In the last three weeks there has been considerable violence in neighbouring Uzbekistan, the worst since 2001. Uzbekistan allowed US troops on its soil as it geared up for the War on Terror™, now those troops are being targeted and skirmishes are erupting all along Afghanistan’s eastern borders, with both Pakistan and Uzbekistan. It remains unclear just how many Pakistani soldiers died in March’s exhaustive search for Osama’s number two, Ayman al Zawahari, but the mission was a clear failure. The border between Afghanistan and Pakistan is one of the harshest places on Earth to play hide and seek.

The concern is that the hotch potch of nationalities fighting against the authorities in both these countries will soon start to create greater unrest in Afghanistan, stretching the US military in the region further and further. The US’ Great Game could become a lethal stalemate just like the Soviet Union’s disastrous attempt to invade the country in the 1980s.

The plan for this modern Great Game started as soon as Bush came to power. A huge gas pipeline was envisioned from the Caspian Sea through Afghanistan to Pakistan and India. Enron had invested $3bn in a power plant near Mumbai on India’s west coast. It desperately needed to source a cheap supply of natural gas to succeed. Kenneth Lay and the crooks at Enron, having paid for Bush and Cheney’s theft of the White House, were promised assistance by the new Oil Administration.

Bush and Cheney paid the Taliban $43m over a period of eight months prior to 11 September, knowing full well that Enemy No 1, Osama, was residing in the Central Asian country, at the behest of the Taliban. When this period of courting failed, the Bush administration threatened force. 11 September provided the ammunition to turn the threat into a deadly rain of bombs, which killed far more innocent Afghans than those 3,000 Americans who perished on that fateful day in September 2001.

Since 1980 2.75m Afghans have died as a direct or indirect result of war, accounting for more than 10% of the population or one death every five minutes. Every day seven people will step on a landmine in this tragic country, where life expectancy is just 41 years. Some seven million refugees, approximately one third of the population, have fled the country to squalid camps in Iran and Pakistan since 1980 — one refugee every minute.

Poppy growing for the production of heroin has increased dramatically since the October 2001 Afghan campaign.

Regional news agencies are reporting the partners of the International Islamic Front are gathering as summer beckons both inside and on the perimeter of Afghanistan to give Bush a serious pre-election headache.

*Offer only applicable to residents of Kabul

 

 

Further evidence of the deceit behind the blurred motives for war on Iraq is provided in the latest issue of Vanity Fair. Sir Christopher Meyer, the former British ambassador to the US, recounts how his boss, Tony Blair, was told by George Bush at a White House dinner just nine days after the attacks on New York and Washington that once Afghanistan was out the way, Iraq would be next. Although there was, and never has been, links between 9/11 and Saddam Hussein, Tony Blair "said nothing to demur," notes Meyer. This is another damaging blow to Blair, who maintained right up to the March 2003 Iraqi invasion that "no decisions had been taken" to go to war — a barefaced lie; he had known full well 18 months prior to invasion.

Meyer’s words back up the former US counter-terrorism czar, Richard Clark’s accusations last March that Bush was "obsessed" with Iraq as the principle target for retaliation following 11 September.

 

 

Remember SADDAM? He of the shaggy hair and startled look in front of the cameras? Yeah, him that guy who was buddies with Rumsfeld and the Bushes for so long. The media sure have gone quiet on his disappearance. When was the last time you saw him?

According to the best Middle East correspondent in the British press, Robert Fisk, ole Saddam’s been moved to Qatar, contrary to the Geneva Convention, naturally.

 

 

It’s been a busy week at the Canned Revolution website – expansion and progress have been our watchwords, and whilst we still have more to come, we’ve placed a lot of our planned projects.

Take for example our Propaganda Section, which has been much expanded. The revolution is proud to unveil the full story of Private Jessica Lynched, a tale of a true hero and patriot.

Still in Propaganda, we have also unveiled our own third option for the upcoming US election, get ready to mark this on your ballot: Nobody 2004.

If elections bore you, why not sit back, relax and enjoy a movie at the newly-opened Canned Cinema? If that doesn’t appeal – you can always try to get your own movie deal, following in the footsteps of Private Lynched by joining an Army of One point Six a day.

On a more serious note, we take a hard look at the mass media and find out why the evening news is just another form of TV entertainment, in the Mass Mediocre section.

Keeping in a serious vein we have expanded our take on the Machine’s latest product with another page outlining The War on Terror™. If you’re unclear as to what the machine is, you can bring yourself up to speed in our expanded manifesto, here and look into a short history of manipulation here.

In our Secrets Section, we’ve expanded our Spot the Mib test to enhance your personal safety and to improve the chances of your survival.

In Lies we have begun our own exposé of the Apollo 11 landings, laying bare some of the more obvious evidence of trickery.

Coming up next is the Downloads in our Consume Section, with free DIY shirts and stickers; an expansion of our UFO section; and a special treat for lovers of fine conspiracies everywhere – a Canned Revolution exclusive.

Stay Tuned.